


Heart Without A Home

by ohmakemeahercules



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Heart-to-Heart, Heroes and Villains Universe (Once Upon a Time), anti neal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:33:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22981795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmakemeahercules/pseuds/ohmakemeahercules
Summary: 4x12 canon divergence. What happens in the aftermath of Killian getting his heart back from Gold? A heart-to-heart (pun intended). With a side mention of Frozen Swan because that friendship was pure and deserved more time.Rating: M for frequent cursing and heavily implied sexual innuendo at the end.
Relationships: Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan
Comments: 9
Kudos: 63





	Heart Without A Home

Emma shut the portal door to Arendelle and her heart sank. _Great. Another friend is gone from my life. I know she has a kingdom to save, but I wish she could’ve stayed. And Rumpelstiltskin is scheming yet again. What a surprise._

“You alright, Emma?” Her father David asked.

She sighed. “I’m going to miss Elsa. She was a good friend.”

David hummed. “The modern world has cell phones. Surely we can find a magical equivalent here.”

“Yeah. Stopping Gold comes first, though.”

“Emma, have you seen Killian?” Her mother Snow White asked. “He‘s not here.”

Her daughter nodded. “He was at Granny’s earlier. He acted really weird, too.”

“What do you mean?”

She pictured Killian’s expressions. “Usually he has the demeanor of a romantic lead in a Jane Austin novel. Confident, suave, with a little bit of ego and an extensive vocabulary that this realm hasn’t used in 200 years. Today… he was uptight and distant. Not only that, he had a bogus explanation about why he couldn’t come with us.”

David shook his head. “That’s not Hook. You two have been joined at the hip for weeks now.”

“I know, right? Sirens were blaring in my head. So, I asked what was wrong. He said nothing. But his kiss tasted different. I can’t explain why.”

The prince flinched at the mention of Emma and Killian’s relationship. Even though he approved of them, he didn’t need to see the evidence. “You don’t need to, Emma.” He grumbled. 

“Maybe Gold corrupted him somehow.” Snow suggested.

“God, I hope not. But it makes sense. Before he left, he grabbed my wrist, with a pained, almost desperate look on his face. Part of me wanted to follow him instead of taking the Arendelle crew here.”

Snow scrunched her lips to the left. “Hmm. That is strange. Maybe he was trying to tell you something, but couldn’t due to magical restrictions.”

“If that’s the case, I’ll have to get him back somehow. I know magic, but am nowhere near Gold’s skill level.”

“Light always snuffs our dark, Emma. No matter what the odds are.” Her mother declared.

_I wish I had your optimism. Life has burned me far too many times._

She didn’t have time to dwell on that thought, as a magical outburst occurred in another room. 

“What was that?” Henry exclaimed.

“I don’t know, kid. You stay here. I’ll go check it out.”

“I’ll go with you.” Snow said.

Emma and Snow found another door cranking open in the next room over. They ran in as Emma gasped in horror. Killian and Gold were standing under a magic purple sky. The villain had Killian’s heart in his hand. This meant only one thing: he intended to crush it. _NO! I can’t let him do this!_

“STOP!” She demanded. 

Gold chuckled. “I can’t, Miss Swan. I’ve waited far too long for this and I intend to enjoy every minute.”

She raised her hand to cast a spell, but Gold froze her in place to prevent interference. Fuck, not again. 

Gold squeezed Killian’s heart, causing him to cower in agony. His cry is the gut-wrenching sound Emma had ever heard. Even worse, she was powerless to do anything about it.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Belle armed with the Dark One’s dagger. _Where the hell did you come from? Oh god, please stop him. I can’t lose Killian._

Belle raced up the tower steps. “RUMPLESTILTSKIN!”

_Oh shit, he’s in trouble._

Gold’s eyes widened in horror. “Belle, what are you doing here? I can explain…”

“NO!” She cut him off, holding up the dagger. “I can’t accept apologies anymore. Not when they aren’t genuine. Dark One, I command you to release everyone.”

The magical sky disappeared and Emma regained movement. Killian’s heart, however, was still in Gold’s hand. _Give it back, you bastard_. 

Belle noticed this as well. “Drop his heart.”

Reluctantly, Gold released the heart into its owner's hand. 

“Now,” Belle instructed. “You will take us to the town line. We need to be alone for this next part.”

Once they were gone, emotion overwhelmed Emma. She didn’t know whether to punch Killian for scaring the living daylights out of her or kiss him because he eluded death once again. 

He rushed down the stairs towards her. “Emma, I’m so sorry. So bloody sorry you had to see that.”

Tears filled her eyes. “You scared me to death, idiot! I told you I couldn’t lose you!

“I know. I can’t apologize enough.”

She threw one arm around him and smacked his chest with the other. He grimaced, but pulled her closer.

The hug was a little more aggressive than usual, as Emma dug her nails into his jacket. She wanted him to understand how scared she was and how she couldn’t bear to lose him. The steady Th _ump. Thump. Thump_ of his heart carried on in the background. I _can’t let anyone else steal it again. Maybe Regina knows a sealing spell to protect it._

They released each other, but maintained intense eye contact.

Don’t fucking do that again,” she growled. “Do you understand me?”

He nodded. “Crystal clear, darling.”

_Smart ass. This isn’t the time for playfulness._

Killian held out his heart. “I believe this belongs to you.”

Her cheeks flushed. Dammit, pirate. Now, you’re trying to weasel your way out with sweet talk. “Then I better put it somewhere safe.”

“I’d ask you to be gentle, but I suspect you’re not in the mood.”

“Damn right I’m not. Now, hold still. I’ve never done this before.”

“You’ve already held it longer than you know.”

There he goes again. “You know what I mean, idiot.”

She took the organ in her hands and noticed the amount of red inside. Only a few tiny dark patches remained. _This is the real Killian, not the impostor Gold morphed him into the past few days. What if I fuck this up and can’t get him back?_

He sensed her apprehension. “You can do this, Emma. I trust you.”

“I know.” She closed her eyes, bracing herself for the impact. _Do it quickly. It’ll be like ripping off a band aid._

Killian grunted as she forced his heart into his chest. Before she knew it, they were kissing again. This was all him: her rough around the edges yet loving and tender boyfriend. She came frighteningly close to losing him. _I can’t go through this again. I love him too much. Not ready to say it aloud yet, but I do._

Finally, they broke away. “We better join everyone else.”

“Aye?”

“Yeah. Mom, Dad, and Henry joined me to take Elsa, Anna, and Kristoff through the portal.”

“Oh, right. Did that go smoothly, I hope?”

“As smooth as it could be. Unsurprisingly, Anna told us she’d met Rumple in the past when he denied ever knowing her. She said all he does is lie.”

“Understatement of the century,” Killian grumbled. 

“So, they’re back in Arendelle, the Snow Queen is gone, and hopefully Belle is banishing Rumple as we speak. Maybe you can take me out on that second date.”

“Aye, I’d love to.” 

“Mom, come here!” Henry’s call interrupted them.

“Kid, are you okay?”

“Grandma and Grandpa are here, too. You’ve gotta see this?”

Emma and Killian exchanged a glance before following Henry’s voice to another room. It was full of story books just like Henry’s. She had never seen so many in one place before. 

David raised a brow at the pirate’s arrival. “Did you get yourself in trouble, Killian?” 

“Aye, unfortunately. All is well now.”

“Well, for Emma’s sake, I’m glad you’re okay.”

And yours, too. Let’s be real. You like him. The two men hugged quickly. 

Henry set a book in front of Emma. “All of these books are blank. They have the potential for thousands of stories to be written.”

“Cool, but why did you want to show this to me?”

“Regina has been looking for Author to rewrite her story. I’ve been helping her and thought two minds with magic were better than one.”

 _Really, Regina? I’ve been dealt a shitty hand, but never looked for another magical being to change my circumstances_. Emma sighed. “Let me guess. You want me to find her and show this room now.”

“Yes! It’ll cheer her up a lot.”

 _Why do I always have to put everyone else first?_ She looked over at Killian. “Savior duties call, babe.”

“It’s alright. I was planning on retiring to my quarters anyway.”

“Would you mind if I came by after Henry and I talk to Regina?”

He smiled sadly. The emotional toll of the evening was beginning to wear on him. “I’d love that, actually.”

“I’ll see you soon, then.” She kissed his cheek. 

“Goodbye, love.” He returned the favor. 

(Later that evening)

Emma trudged up the inn’s familiar steps. Talking to Regina had taken longer than expected. The Evil Queen was optimistic for the first time in weeks. Emma was glad for her, but she wanted a moment with Killian. They’d been through a challenging night, both individually and as a couple. She had numerous unanswered questions that were best asked in private conversation.

She knocked on the door. He opened it a moment later. His looks startled her a little. His eyes were a tinge of red with puffy bags underneath. _No! He’s been crying and I haven’t been there to comfort him. Then again, he might not have let me see him do it anyway,_

“Good evening, Swan.” He didn’t attempt to step in her personal space. _I shouldn’t have gotten so angry at him. He almost died; his life flashed before his eyes. I only cared about my feelings._

“Hi. May I come in?”

He stepped aside to let her in. “Someone’s a lot less fiery.”

“I’m sorry I acted so harshly. Everything poured out at once: fear, anger and relief. Unfortunately, anger was the strongest.”

“Apologies are unnecessary. Quite frankly, I expected it.”

Emma tilted her head. “You did? Why?”

“I promised you I was a survivor and almost broke it. Also, you asked me to stay out of harm’s way and I foolishly trapped myself in its jaws. Because I’m a stupid bastard who hasn’t learned anything in 300 years.”

 _Uh, I don’t like where this is heading._ “No, no, no. We’re not going down that road.”

Killian shrugged. “I deserve it, Swan.”’

“No, you don’t. I’m not letting you spiral into self loathing.”

“Too late, love.”

Emma stretched her arms wide. “Come here, babe” 

He hesitated for a split second, then walked into her embrace. She held him close, hoping to convey words unspoken. However, his grip was still loose, as if he couldn’t believe Emma’s blatant display of affection was real. She cradled the back of his head, catching a few strands in the process. Then just like the ice cave, Killian exhaled as he relaxed in her arms. 

The couple held each other wordlessly. In contrast to the previous hug a few hours ago, Emma’s motions were soft. She stroked his hair, rubbed his back and buried herself into the space between his neck and chest. He sniffled a few times, but didn’t fully break down. She hoped he could feel what she was trying to say: _I’m sorry. I want you here. I’m glad you’re alive.’_

Finally, they let go.

“God, I’m so foolish.” Killian groaned. 

“Why do you say that?”

“All of this started because I thought I wasn’t good enough. The only way I deserved happiness was to court you as a whole man. No missing limbs in sight.”

Emma clasped his hand and hook. “That’s not true. You’re more than enough as you are.”

“See, I feared you thought I wasn’t. Based on what you said in the hospital wing.”

Way to go, Swan. You placed that insecurity in your boyfriend’s head. “I’m sorry I said that. I was frustrated, scared and not ready to trust because of the Zelena situation.”

“Looking back, I realize how ridiculous that fear was. Because the hook has never bothered you. You never thought less of my abilities because I’m missing a hand.”

“But you’re human, Killian. Humans do irrational things when they’re scared or hurt.”

“Turning away from darkness when you’ve been drowning in it for 300 years is hard. And I almost reverted back there.”

She cupped his cheek. “You had a relapse. Recovery isn’t always a straight line.”

“You’re putting an awful lot of faith in me, Swan.”

“Trust me, you’ve earned it. I won’t run, no matter what you say.”

He sighed. “Okay. I’ll give it a go.”’

They settled down on his bed and he tells her the story from start to finish. How he blackmailed Gold into giving him his hand back so he could embrace Emma with both hands on their date, how Gold warned him the hand would reawaken his darkness, the incident with Will at the restaurant, absorbing the old man and the fairies into the hat, and how Gold decided to take his heart in aid of escaping the spell of Shattered Sight.

“I can see why you did it,” Emma said once he was finished. “You don’t pursue revenge on someone for 300 years, then simply forget about it.”

“Still, it was reckless. I’m not used to accounting for another’s feelings if something happened. It’s not just me anymore. It’s both of us.”

She nodded. “I’m the exact same way. If you’re feeling insecure about anything, please tell me. I may not know what missing a limb feels like, but I do know questioning your worth.”

“I can do that. The offer goes vice versa, too.”

Emma thought back to holding his heart in her hands. “You might still see yourself as a villain, but your heart said otherwise. It had a lot of red in it. Only a dash of black.”

“I didn’t stop to look. Once I got it back, I gave it to you.”

“I said to put it in a safe place. Like a home, which I haven’t had until recently. Now that I think about it, my heart’s never truly had a home in a romantic sense.”

Killian raised his right brow. “Oh? Not even with Neal?”

“As naive as I was, my guard wasn’t completely down. The possibility of us not working out was in the back of my mind.” She snorted. “Of course, we stole the watches, then I was locked up, knocked up and the rest is history.”

“His negligence and cowardice have nothing to do with you, darling.”

“I know. You thought I was angry today? You should’ve seen me after I chased down Neal in the streets of New York City.”

“When did this happen?”

“You were still on team Villain then. You remember me knocking you out after you stabbed Gold with your poisoned hook?”

“Yes. My revenge was almost complete, too. I woke up with a devil of a headache and thought, dammit, Swan interfered with my plans once again.”

“You must’ve hated me then.”

Killian pressed his lips together. “Briefly. It factored into why I stole that bean.”

“But you still turned the ship around. Your good heart won out.”

“Perhaps I needed someone to remind me I had one.”

“You did. It was just buried under your pain.”

Killian blushed. “What were you doing in New York?”

“Gold wanted me to help him find Neal. Once we got to the apartment building he was hiding in, he took off. I went into bail bondsperson mode, thinking I was catching some random perpetrator.”

“You didn’t know it was him?”

“Not at first. I grabbed the hood of his jacket and we both fell to the ground. We were catching our breaths and he looked at me. Ten years of isolation and resentment spilled out in seconds. He was confused at first. But once I said “Rumpelstiltskin”, his eyes bulged out of his head. Then got upset at me for bringing Gold to him, because he’d been hiding for years.”

“What else were you supposed to do? When the Crocodile tells you to do something, you do it.”

“Exactly. So, we went to this dinky pub down the street. He had grown up in this realm, from teenage years onward. The night we stole the watches, August/Pinocchio told him about my savior destiny. He told Neal my arrest was necessary to break the curse.”

“That’s hogwash. You could’ve broken the curse in multiple other ways.” Killian grumbled.

“Exactly. I said, you left me in prison because Pinocchio told you to? It sounds ludicrous out of context, but it’s true.”

“No. He could’ve fought for you and stayed with you. Accepted that he’d have to meet the Crocodile again after the curse was broken. But he ran, just like his father.”

“You know what hurt most? He said if he’d known I was destined to be the Savior, he wouldn’t have gone near me.”

Killian frowned. “Oh, love. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how much that hurt to hear.”

Emma cleared her throat. She could feel the gamut of emotions she’d experienced begin to catch up with. “It stung quite a bit. I promised myself I’d never let my heart find a home. Until you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t get too excited. I’m not 100 % there yet. You told me I was scared because I could see a happy future in Storybrooke. You were right then and now. I can see myself building a home with you here. But I’m scared to fully invest in it yet.”

“What’s holding you back?”

“Fear of losing you. I try to keep you safe and you put yourself in harm's way so damn much. I wish you wouldn’t.”

“Love, I can’t promise I won’t. We don’t know when the next villain will show up. And when they do, I’ll always prioritize your safety above mine, even if it means my demise.”

Emma snorted, blinking back tears. “But then I will have lost yet another person. Even though he promised that he’s a survivor. You don’t care about how much I care about you, do you?”

Killian’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped. That thought wouldn’t have occurred to him in a million years. He’d worked hard to win Emma’s heart, nor did he take her reciprocated feelings lightly. 

Tears streamed down her face. “Sorry, that wasn’t fair. It’s just… my physical safety doesn’t mean a damn thing if you’re not there. I want you to bring me coffee and walk me to work. I want you to hold me if I’ve had a bad day or make me laugh to forget about it. Or go into battle with me should Storybrooke be threatened again.”

He cupped her cheek and wiped away some wetness. 

“I know you’re an honorable man and you’ll sacrifice yourself if necessary.” She gulped.

“That may be true, but make no mistake my love. My utmost priority is being by your side. As long as you’ll let me. I promise that no matter what villains throw at us, I’ll fight like hell to stay there.”

His promise brought her to tears. She wasn’t used to a man vocalizing his commitment to her. No one else had wanted to stay quite like he did. It took her breath away. 

Killian wrapped her in his arms and kissed her forehead. “I’m not going anywhere, darling. Don’t you worry.”

Emma let herself bask in the comfort of his embrace. He held her with a perfection combination of strength and gentleness. Even the cool metal of his hook on her back didn’t feel out of place. His heart beat steadily in his chest, where it belonged. _I’ll never take that sound for granted again_. She was safe; she had expressed her fears without scaring him. In fact, he wanted to take away her pain. The concept was new to Emma, but she could get used to it with time.

Her tears dried up a few moments later.

“Alright now, Swan?”

Emma nodded. “Yeah. Thank you. I needed that. It’s been a long day.”

“That it has. But it’s over now.” 

“Not only did I almost lose you, I had to say goodbye to my first non problematic friendship in my life.”

“Aye, Lady Elsa had a good influence on you.”

“She was the first one where circumstances between us didn’t drastically change. She left because her kingdom was in trouble. Which is completely understandable. Still, I’m a little sad.”

“Understandably, love. Maybe we can ask Belle if she knows of any objects that can reach across realms.”

“Yeah. You owe her everything, by the way.”

He sighed. “That I do. She showed mercy, even when I don’t deserve it.”

“I’m not the only one who’s noticed the change in you.” She yawned. “Still, almost losing you on top of everything else is a lot to handle in one day.”

“Agreed. You should go home and rest.”

Maybe I want to rest with him. “Are you kicking me out, pirate?”

“No. I simply don’t wish to take advantage of you in such a vulnerable state.”

 _Such a gentleman_. “I want to stay with you.”

“What about your parents?”

“Pfft, I’m an adult. I can spend the night with my boyfriend if I want to.” Emma’s phone buzzed. “That’s probably one of them now.”

“You should answer that. I’ll get in the bathroom while you do.” He stood up.

Emma waited until the door was closed to answer her phone. “Hello?”

“Hi! Where are you?” Snow White asked. 

Thank God, it’s Mom. Dad would have a heart attack if he knew where I was. “I’m in Killian’s room. We had a lot to talk about after his heart incident.”

“Are you staying with him tonight?”

“Yeah. Don’t wait up for me.”

Snow cleared her throat. “Say no more. We’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Okay. Night Mom.”

“Goodnight.”

Killian returned a few minutes later dressed in a black v-neck t-shirt and knit pants. His brace was removed, but the hook was unattached. How does this man get sexier every time he changes clothes? She’d been stunned by his button down shirt, skin-tight jeans and leather jacket look from their date. This, on the other hand, was intimacy. His walls were coming down the same way as hers: piece by piece. 

“Like what you see?”

Emma snapped out of her internal monologue. Her boyfriend was smirking proudly at her. “I do, actually. When did you get them?”

“David bought them a few days ago. He thought I should have more casual garments.”

“He’s right. Your usual pirate get up is too formal for this world. I’m digging it.”

Killian stared at her blankly. 

“It means I like it.”

“Good. I have two more sets like this if you need clothes to sleep in. Although naked skin is also acceptable,” he winked. 

Emma chuckled sarcastically. “Not quite there yet, buddy. Where’s your clothes?”

“I keep them in the drawers over there.”

“Do you mind if I take a shower real quick?”

“No, of course not. I’ll be waiting.”

Emma opened the door after she was finished, refreshed by the warm water and clean clothes. She’d washed off her makeup, but decided she didn’t care if Killian saw. He would find her attractive regardless. 

True to his word, he was still in bed. His legs were under the covers, with the other folded down. “Feel better, Swan?”

“Yeah. Is that for me?” she asked. Motioning to the blanket.

“Unless you see any other beautiful maidens wearing my clothes.”

“Shut up,” She teased, climbing into bed.

“Oh, how did your mother react to our plans?”

“She drew her own conclusions and immediately got uncomfortable. Hung up the phone real quick after that.”

Killian hummed. “Surely she knows you’re a grown woman?”

“Knowing and accepting are two different concepts. I understand that, since she missed out on 95% of my life thus far. Lines need to be drawn, nonetheless.”

“Understood, love. Ready to dim the lights low?”

“As long as you don’t pillage and plunder me. Not tonight, anyway.”

Her boyfriend raised his brow. “Are you implying you’d be interested in said activity in the near future?”

“Perhaps I would be,” she replied with a grin. “But I wish you still had the Jolly.”

He turned off the light. “Why is that?”

“Think about it. Out on the water while the waves rock us, and no one is within earshot. Plenty of privacy.”

Killian grinned back wolfishly. “And I’d be able to woo you properly in my quarters. Since I missed out last time.”

Emma laid her head down on a pillow. “He would’ve been fun to fuck, but I rather do it with you.”

Killian followed suit. “Is that so?”

“Yeah. Our emotional connection is stronger than a casual fling.”

Even in the dark, she could tell color flushed his cheeks.

“Besides, when you first jab me with your sword, no one needs to hear that but us.”

“Careful Swan, you’re fueling a man’s fire.”

“I better stop then, hadn’t I?”

“Minx, ” he muttered, as they cuddled closer together. 

“Goodnight, Killian,” she whispered. 

“Goodnight, Emma.” They kissed. 

Lying next to him, she knew her heart had found its home. Neither realm separation nor dark magic nor death would ever change that.


End file.
